Validated

Last Thursday I took a huge step toward helping myself. It was terrifying. I tried to talk myself out of it and almost turned my care back around. But I didn't. I went to my first Infertility Support Group. I was SOOO nervous walking into that room, but it's the best decision I've made in a long time. Something that will actually help my emotional well being, teach me how to cope, and talk to women who know EXACTLY how I feel. Some had biological children, some had adopted, and some had none.

There were a couple of statistics I wanted to share. When I heard these, it made me feel validated. Validated with what exactly? Validated with all of my feelings- the anger, sadness, indifference, and frustration.

Did you know....

When given the diagnosis of infertility, the brain fires off the same emotional response as a cancer diagnosis.

Everytime there is a failed infertility cycle, the brain creates the same emotional response as a death of a loved one.

Probably didn't know the emotions were that strong or traumatic, did you? As I was listening to this, I had so many 'ah ha' moments where my own experiences and feelings clicked into place. It helped me to know that I wasn't crazy...far from it. Infertility is a hard thing to deal with. One thing that especially struck me was how many women suffer in silence. Out of the 11 women that were there, 4 of them admitted that no one- family or friends, knew they were struggling with infertility. They had been going through IVF cycles, and no one knew. (FYI- IVF is invitro fertilization, which is roughly a $10,000 procedure. Not covered by insurance and not a guaranteed pregnancy.)

I think I would have been committed a long time ago if that were the case. They spoke about coping mechanisms. Honestly one of mine is sharing my experiences. I think it helps to educate people, and prevents people from asking when we are going to start a family or other sensitive questions. And if they do, I take that as a chance to let people know what we are going through. Not to be mean, but to educate that this is something that doesn't have to be hidden. My heart ached listening to those women who are doing it alone. They say that it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to love and support those who are trying to get that child here. Infertility shouldn't be shameful secret to bear alone.

Now that I've been to this support group, I can't think about staying away. To listen to others and share my experiences, this is one thing I won't give up.