Day 5

Today I am grateful for my faith.

I am a deeply private person who has a hard time sharing my religion.

Along with being grateful for my religion, I'm grateful for all the diversity in the world.

Whether you believe in God, Allah, Buddha, Shiva, or any type of spiritual being, or not,

it doesn't matter to me as long as a person has beliefs and convictions 

and does what they can to be a good person.

I'm not writing this post because I want to parade my religion around for 

everyone to see, 

I've never been that kind of person.

I have beliefs that have gotten through my darkest times.

I do believe there is a higher power that plays part in my life. I know this from this 

past month and different experiences through my life. 

I know He's there, but it seems like in extreme situations, I really know that and I can feel a presence.

My last experience was Josh's birthday in Vegas. 

We were walking around when my back started to hurt.

Like REALLY started to hurt.

After a visit to the local ER, we found out I had a kidney stone. 

If you've ever had one, you know the excruciating pain. 

It never lets up, and it just keeps pounding you down.

When we got back to the hotel, there were no more flights out that night and I had to wait until morning.

The pain pills made me sick, and I couldn't take any pills until I could eat something. 

Such a viscous cycle.

So that whole night, while my poor, exhausted husband was

 sleeping for a couple hours, 

I tried to lay quietly in bed and not move too much. 

Writhing in pain, I thought I was going to die. 

Quite literally. 

Kidney stones pain is often compared to child birth, 

but the women I have spoken with have said it is worse than child birth.

I haven't prayed that hard in a really long time. I told God that I just wanted to get home. I didn't make drastic promises to change my life or anything like that, 

I just prayed that He would give me the strength to survive this and to help me get through it. 

And He did. 

There were times that night that I actually drifted off to sleep amidst the pain, 

but I was granted a little reprieve.

Some people would call that endurance. I call it heavenly intervention.

That is why I'm grateful for my faith. 

My faith is always there for me when things don't turn out quite how

 I expected or when I need a  little help.

It helps to keep me going and encourage me.

It gives me hope.

Day 4

Today I am grateful for sleep.

It seems like during the week I never get enough sleep.

I always tell myself that I'm going to go to bed early, then I never do.

It seems like I get to bed an hour or even 2 later than I want to.

So on the weekends I play catch up on sleep.

Last night was one of those nights that I was absolutely exhausted,

I woke up this morning 11 1/2 hours later from when I went to bed.

Talk about being exhausted!

So today I'm and grateful that I have caught up on my sleep and I'm able to relax this weekend.

Happy New Year's Eve!

Day 3

Today I am grateful for my job.

Next Tuesday will be the year mark that I started working here at the

Department of Workforce Services.

I have felt so many emotions with this job:

confusion, frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, heartbreak, and gratitude.

There's a lot more adjectives I could place on this list, but those are the first ones that come to mind.

My job is hard.

I talk with people every day that are down on their luck and

have turned to the state for welfare assistance.

This past month was my first December here and it was an eye opener.

There have been multiple times this month that I have teared-up or cried quietly in my cubicle

 from the heart breaking stories I hear.

There are people out there that genuinely need this assistance and that is what makes

my job so fulfilling to do.

On the other hand,

I take great satisfaction is catching people who try to cheat the system or

 commit welfare fraud. I feel like I'm finally doing my part in making sure that my

tax dollars go to people who need it.

This job has done one MAJOR thing for me.

I am SO unbelievably blessed.

I have food in my cupboards, shelter over my head, and a warm place to sleep at night.

 A lot of the people I talk to don't have any of these things.

So while I'm here I will count my blessings and try to remember that I am a lucky girl.

Day 2

Today I am thankful for Seasons.

I'm lucky enough to live somewhere that has all four seasons,

with some longer than others. (yes Winter, I'm talking to you)

I love all the blooming flowers in the springtime.

While I'm not a huge fan of all the gloomy rain, I love that it turns everything from brown to green!

Summer is by far my favorite season.

 It's the time to be outside camping, barbequing, swimming, bonfires,

and spending time outside with friends and family.

I love the hot weather!

Fall is a pretty season with the changing of colors

and feeling the nights getting cooler- finally relief from the sweltering summer nights!

Winter is by far my least favorite season.

My favorite winter was when I lived in Florida, and I wore shorts Christmas Day.

Still there's something magical about a white Christmas. 

If I still went snowboarding, I'm sure I'd feel different.

It seems like an endless season when I'm pretty sure I'll never be warm ever again.

I love how snow caps the mountains and gives everything a majestic feeling,

but in my opinion it can just stay on the grass and mountains.

If you've ever driven in snow, you understand my sentiment.

So there you go, I'm grateful for seasons.

Stay tuned for tomorrow!

Day 1

I am grateful for the most important person in my life, my husband Josh.

My life really wouldn't have been the same without him.

Before he came along I wanted to be a big shot career girl working

in an Embassy half-way across the world. I hadn't really
considered having kids, let alone giving up a career to be a mom.

These past couple weeks have made me seen my husband from a different perspective and I'm more in love with him now that when we got married 3 1/2 years ago.

We can laugh together, cry together, be absolutely weird together (without too much judgement).

He takes great care of me, which he completely proved when I was writhing in pain from my kidney stone and couldn't take care of myself very well. He's a great nurse!

He helped me get my priorities straight by falling in love with him.

I can't imagine my life any other way- it's funny how things change.

I no longer want to be a big shot career girl. While I still have ambitions and career aspirations, first and foremost I want to be a mom and a good wife.

Things haven't happened as I've wanted them to, especially struggling with infertility, but he's been there every step of the way to talk about things and letting me cry.

God willing, one day I will be a mom. That will be the biggest and most important career of my life.

Also, I'm grateful for your drive and hard work.

You have worked so hard these past couple years to get your schooling finished.

I'm thankful for your ambition and your dreams of what we both hope to acomplish one day.

So babe, thanks for giving me perspective. I don't know how my life would have turned out without you.

Thanks for taking me on fun dates, introducing me to great friends, and going on adventures to nowhere.

Love you lots and lots!

Being Grateful

I've reflected a lot these past couple weeks of how much I have to be grateful for.

I'm healthy (let's forget about that whole kidney stone fiasco in Vegas),

 I have an amazing husband who is my best friend,

I have a job that I love,

A family that is always there for me,

Great friends who let me talk,

And a faith that has gotten me through my darkest days.

While I still have struggles and can feel pretty low at times, 

I want to focus on the good this upcoming year.

So this blog is having another facelift.

I'm going to start a new year's resolution early

and try to name one thing each day that I am

GRATEFUL

for.

I have had days where I have felt depressed that my life isn't going the direction that I want it to go.

But, that's life isn't it? 

You can plan all you want,

 but Murphy's law and karma will always come into play and twist

 those outcomes to what was not expected- both good and bad.

There are days where I feel like there's a rain cloud looming over me and I can't see the sun

or the good in things.

So I'd like to try and name just ONE thing each day that I am grateful for.

I'm lucky enough to have a job where I deal with people 

who are by far, worse off than I hope I'll ever be.

They help me to realize that I have

MILLIONS 

of blessings in my life.

And it's time I started recognizing them.

Stay tuned.

Vials, Needles, and Syringes, Oh My!

Turns out I have a very stubborn body. 

8 cycles of Clomid and 3 cycles of Femara later, 
my body has still failed to ovulate. 

(For those who don't know those are fertility medications
 to induce ovulation.)

There is much frustration with a body that doesn't 
work how it should.

So the next step in all of our attempts for a baby is starting injections.

I know you're all jealous!

All my little vials

I had a lot of fear and trepidation starting these shots, 

especially since I was supposed to give them to myself!
But, it's stronger medication than anything I've taken before.

The sub-cutaneous needle- I'll take this shorter one any day over the longer one!

The intra-muscular needle- the one I used to fill the syringes. No thank you, I'm not going to stab myself with this one...at least not yet anyways.

The first shot was rather comical. 

This is me recreating my horrified face at sticking myself.

I sat at our table just staring at the needle thinking 'there's no way', 

then that line of thought going to 'you can do it, 
just stab yourself really fast..'

Josh sat at the couch and stared at me. 

He volunteered to give me the shot, but I told him no, because he wasn't going to be here all the days 

I had to take them, so I needed to be brave and just do it.

Ha ha, easier said than done my friends!

Since he so willingly volunteered, after a couple minutes of going back and forth between almost jabbing myself and putting the syringe down, 

I took him up on his offer.

It's so much easier to be given a shot then giving one to yourself.

I have a new found respect for diabetics who give themselves shots.

After all that hype, 

the shot wasn't anything but a pinch and some 
stinging as the meds were injected.

Once it was finished, I was resolved to give the next shot myself.
Josh was a really good shot giver. I'll take him as my nurse any day!

The next day, I'm proud to say I was able to do it!

I gave myself the shot!

I was so psyched out about it, and that was the worst part!

It wasn't bad at all, I think I might be over my fear of needles now.

Well, at least my fear of thin, short needles.

That longer needle might be another story if I have to stick myself with that!

But for now, I can handle the shorter needle.

Let's cross our fingers that this medication has worked. While I'm glad that I was able to give myself the shots, it's still not my favorite past time. I need a little glimmer of hope. If this can make me ovulate, I'll be jumping and shouting for joy.
While I don't want to be too optimistic that I'll get pregnant the first time I ovulate. I just want to know that some combination of drugs will make it possible.


Lets all cross our fingers and hold our breath!
I'll find out soon enough!